Excerpt from Vanilla Ice’s “Ice, Ice, Baby”
Yo VIP let's kick it
Ice ice baby (x2)
All right stop collaborate and listen
Ice is back with my brand new invention
Something grabs a hold of me tightly
Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly
Will it ever stop yo I don't know
Turn off the lights and I'll glow
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle
Dance go rush to the speaker that booms
I'm killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom
Deadly when I play a dope melody
Anything less than the best is a felony
Love it or leave it you better gain weight
You better hit bull's eye the kid don't play
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it
Ice ice baby vanillla (x4)
Now that the party is jumping
With the bass kicked in and the vegas are pumpin'
Quick to the point to the point no faking
I'm cooking MC's like a pound of bacon
Burning them if you ain't quick and nimble
I go crazy when I hear a cymbal
And a hi-hat with a souped up tempo
I'm on a roll and it's time to go solo
Rollin' in my 5.0
With my rag-top down so my hair can blow
The girlies on standby waving just to say hi
Did you stop no I just drove by
Kept on pursuing to the next stop
I busted a left and I'm heading to the next block
The block was dead
Yo so I continued to A1A Beachfront Avenue
Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis
Rockman lovers driving Lamborghinis
Jealous 'cause I'm out getting mine
Shay with a guage and Vanilla with a nine
Reading for the chumps on the wall
The chumps acting ill because they're so full of eight balls
Gunshots rang out like a bell
I grabbed my nine all I heard were shells
After reading that, I hope you’ve gained a newfound respect for me, and for what I’ve put myself through to review “Ice, Ice, Baby.” I had to listen to this song…three full times…I think I’m feeling dizzy. If start to fall, throw a pillow at me before I hit the ground. The song has definitely lost it’s appeal; in fact, “Ice, Ice, Baby” is well known as one of the most god awful atrocities ever berthed by the music industry. So if the song is so hated now, why was it revered then?
The music industry was in a transition phase in the early nineties. It was a time when many old 80’s bands had to pass the torch to new musicians with new sounds; sounds that were distinctly trying to create a new image. Vanilla Ice was created by this phenomenon. “Ice, Ice, Baby” was released at just the right time to victimize Americans everywhere who were eagerly trying to embrace a new sound.
All of my friends and I were huge fans of the song at the time. I remember listening to it on my walkman, jamming out while trying to do a complete 360 on the swing set. I listened to “Ice, Ice, Baby” on repeat everyday for weeks. However, the love faded quickly and as America’s newfound genre began getting a definition; Vanilla Ice got the boot. He should have been taking notes when Milli Vanilli got stripped of their Grammy, cause I’m not quite sure who was the biggest imposter in 1990.
So after listening to the song a few times this week, and attempting to figure just what the hell I liked about it; I’ve come to the conclusion that I have no conclusion. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking; 9 years old or not I was an idiot to fall victim to such a terrible song. If anything about the song still holds up, it’s the melody. Even today it makes you want to move. However, the melody is a complete rip-off of Queen and David Bowie’s “Under Pressure". Take a look. Ice says that he added a note so that it wouldn’t be considered plagiarism; what note? It sounds the same to me, Mr. Ice.
Now let’s talk about the lyrics…so yeah…the lyrics. What in the hell were you thinking Ice? You write like an alcoholic crackhead. Looking at the lyrics makes me think of the “Brain on drugs” commercial. I’ve heard rumors that LL Cool J’s 1990 release “Momma Said Knock You Out” was directed towards Vanilla Ice. I wouldn’t doubt it, cause my momma said knock him out too. I could go into an in depth discussion about the atrocities presented by the lyrics; but I need to brush the taste out of my mouth and Q-tip the remnants of sound from my quivering ears. Besides, you don’t really want me to repeat those awful lines, do you?
P.S: Leave your suggestions for future reviews in the comments tab… and then get off my blog before I make you listen to another shitty song.
“My Style’s like a chemical spill”
Da Menace
How, exactly, does a harpoon flow?
ReplyDeleteWhile not exactly a request, did you see the cash4gold spot in the Super Bowl? Say it ain't so Hammer, say it ain't so.
Ah yes, Vanilla Ice was "cookin' MCs like a pound of bacon" back in the day. Familiarity comes to mind when asking myself why this track recieved such a pinnacle stature. Even if the audience at the time was open to new musical concepts, the familiar backbeat to the song more than likely made the listener's ear perk in the first place. Then again, it could be the dribble Ice calls lyrics.
ReplyDeleteEvery listener takes in music and creates their own perception as to what it means to them. "Ice Ice Baby" is a brown stain on the underpants of the 90s.
Word to ya motha!
I have request, how look into the "British Explosion" preferably music of the seventies.
ReplyDeleteI would be interested in your view point.
In terms of your review, I found it insightful, and oh too very true. Why do we often choose to listen to things that are creative crap? Later we wake from our crack-lyrical induced coma and see just how lacking the music is, and wonder how we ever stood it.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of requests, I think you should expose some more monumentally bad yet popular songs. At risk of backlash, I say certain Eminem songs perhaps? Heh.
Another 90s track that fits this profile is Ace of Base - "All That She Wants" /shudder
ReplyDeleteLet me explain the craze behind "Ice Ice Baby". Back in the 80's crack was HUGE!!! So, huge in fact, that they named a generation of cildren after it. They were called "crack babies". These "crack babies" grew up slightly impaired from their mother's incessant use of crack, and or cocaine. This impairment, induced violence and stupidity, which leads to the enjoyment of retarded music and lyrics. That is why "Ice Ice Baby" was such a hge hit. But!! If it were not for "Ice Ice Baby", we wouldn't have a song we LOVE to make fun of, as much as any other song in the world.
ReplyDeleteI will definitely add Ace of Base to my list of songs to hate on, Grizzle80; thanks for the suggestion. And to Impacting Individuals; thanks for the idea, I will try to incorporate a segment about the "British Explosion" into an upcoming review. To Musing and Vintage: I definitely agree with the crack innuendos; something was cooking in the ice's kitchen, and I don't think it was edible. Sadly, I am periodically listening to this song again now...guess that's why the song is like a crack rock; cause even if you hate it, you can't just smoke one. And oh my god, what was up with the hammer trying to get some love in the Super Bowl ads? And Insignificant Wrangler, you're comment also reminded me of a great Weezer song called "Say it Ain't So". Thanks for all the support guys.
ReplyDeleteDa Menace