Milli Vanilli "Girl you know it's True" Review

What's up? Da Menace here and I am fucking irate. Why, you ask? Did I lose an arm or an uncle? Did my girlfriend leave me for a well endowed circus midget? Not yet. I think you all know why the hell I'm angry...and I suspect you think my anger is funny. laugh on, little people. Laugh as I tell you of stories of pain and testaments on human aural endurance. Laugh as I try to comprehend what kind of sick joke Milli Vanilli's dance choreographer was playing on the doomed duo. Laugh as I try to make sense of the unavoidable triple train wreck of a song that is "Girl you know it's true" by Mi... no... I refuse to ever type that name again. You know who it's by, or do you?

Well, do you? It certainly wasn't written or sung by Mi-Van. In fact, Mi-Van had to return their Grammy because they weren't even singers. They fooled the entire music industry into believing they were legit... a stiff contradiction to M.C. Hammer who believes you can never be "Too Legit to Quit"; more on that infectious dump later. While I am not ignoring the fact that Milli Va... uh, Mi-Van was at fault, I can't help but wonder what the hell the music industry was thinking. Are you fucking kidding me? how the hell did they ever even get to see a Grammy? They shouldn't be allowed to be in the same time zone of a Grammy. Let the Grammy represent Saddam's W.O.M.D. and Mi-Van represent the US agent that searched for them. Where are they Mi-Van? huh? Where are they? bitch! Did I mention that I'm angry?

Well of course I'm angry; i haven't even managed to review the damn song. And I use the word 'song' very sloppily. In fact, I revoke my use of the word 'song' and replace it with an applicable substitute: never mind. There is no word in the English lexicon that can accurately be substituted. Hell, look no further than the groups name, Milli Va... ni... nooo, I won't say it... I can't say it. If they used proper English wouldn't they be named Mellow Vanilla? Then they could have a duet with another 'unique' 'artist' and call it "Mellow Vanilla Ice". The 'borrowed' vocals and melody would surely get the collaboration a Grammy, and a featured role on Hollywood Squares.


Milli Vanilli "Girl you Know it's True" (p.s. I copy and pasted)


Did you see the intro conversation in the video? What kind of substitute for human interaction is this? Fire the acting coach:

Girl: "So, what are you doing back?"

Milli: "Well, I sat back and thought about the things we used to do, it really meant a lot to me, you mean a lot to me."

Girl: "I really mean that much to you?"

Milli: "Girl, you know it's true."

After watching the intro, I'm thoroughly convinced that Milli's girl could be easily wooed by a chunk of concrete. The next 30 years... I mean seconds, of the video depict some seriously disturbing content: Mi-Van chests bumps to celebrate an off screen touchdown catch, the drummer attempts to shake ants out of his hair, and both 'artists' do several non-choreographed helicopter spins to set the tone for the song to come. There's nothing like a good helicopter spin to express your love to a woman.

As if I haven't suffered enough already, the lyrics begin to flow from an off screen singer. I will refrain from a full frontal attempt to explain the lyrics; more appropriately, I failed to come up with anything. Notes on the cutting room floor suggest that this song was an attempt at a heartfelt pop-crack ballad about a love for strange girls. In an attempt to impress the ladies, Mi-Van got drunk and did helicopter spins while lip syncing to a karaoke track. I mean come on, I've seen a pair of crippled gorillas with more rhythm; and they actually knew how to sing. Mi-Van even got a digital microwave to repeat the word girl each time they said "Girl you Know it's True". The microwave also makes random noises of emphasis throughout the song, yay! Brilliant.

I've had enough, this is too much. Now if you'll excuse me I am going to head to the nearest medical facility. See you next week (I hope),



Da Menace