Hello, and welcome to another week of joy and laughter. Today, I will examine "Wannabe" by The Spice Girls. Oh, The Spice Girls, such a wonderful group of women; I love them all. I especially love the intimately deep and melodic grooves they kick. Whenever I'm feeling lonely, I always reach for the Spice Girls to inspire me. Considering that The Spice Girls are so amazing, I found it especially difficult to choose the right song to celebrate. However, after much deliberation, I chose to review a song that was near and dear to my heart for months: "Wannabe".
Although The Spice Girls have a robust body of work, I feel that "Wannabe" is the embodiment of the band. The song delivers on every level, it's a showpiece that emphasizes the active lives of The Spice Girls. The melody is inspiring; Who knew I could be so engrossed by simple base lines and single note guitar riffs? The musicians have their scales mastered, they can transition through notes like nobodies business. Who needs intricate music when simplicity is so much more... um... simple. The Spice Girls are such great musicians, in fact, that they don't even play anymore; such trivial tasks are left to the ugly people.
The Spice Girls have to focus on more important matters, like dancing. Have you seen the "Wannabe" video? I intentionally posted it 24 hours before my review, so that you could bask in its greatness. The Spice Girls rock that video with some of the most brilliant dancing ever. Who needs choreography? Not The Spice Girls, they are much too gorgeous to be contained by such rigid industry standards. Beautiful women are great at everything. Name one beautiful woman who wasn't (Tanya Harding is NOT a beautiful woman).
In fact, as seen in the video, The Spice Girls are also prestigious actors. Why just get to the point and sing the song, when you can prolong it with a brilliantly deep and meaningful preface? "Wannabe" is the poster child of meaningful prefaces. The Spice Girls precisely plotted the direction of their preface, and sculpted it to introduce their chart dropping single with a bang. As seen at the onset of the fabulous video, The Spice Girls run from a cab, play Hop-Scotch, and sing Capella to random strangers. While the above actions may seem random and uncoordinated, I assure you that they all have deep emotional meaning. The girls play Hop-Scotch because they had to grow up fast in tough neighborhoods. They run from a cab because the color yellow signifies the sons they never had, and they sing a Capella to cry out for love in a cruel, unjust world.
Just imagine, our wonderful discussion about The Spice Girls has just begun. Are you as excited as I am to review "Wannabe" by The Spice Girls? I thought so! Great, cause my popcorn just finished cooking. See, this is exciting for me too; as much as I love The Spice Girls, I haven't actually analyzed their lyrics. I usually just dance myself into a brain freeze and go to bed while listening. Besides, who cares about analyzing lyrics right? I'm usually much too shallow to consider such an arduous task. Today, however, I will bypass my shallowness long enough to review this song.
Chorus, First, and Second Verse:
Ha ha ha ha Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want, so tell me what you want, what you really, really want, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want, So tell me what you want, what you really, really want, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really want a zigazig-ah, If you want my future, forget my past, if you wanna get with me, better make it fast, now don't go wastin', my precious time, get your act together we could be just fine, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want, so tell me what you want, what you really, really want, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really want a zigazig-ah, If you wanna be my lover, You gotta get with my friends, make it last forever, friendship never ends, If you wanna be my lover, You have got to give, Takin' is to easy, But that's the way it is, What you think about that? Now you know how I feel, say you could handle my love, are you for real? are you for real? I won't be hasty, I'll give you a try, if you really bug me then I'll say goodbye...
Speechless? I can tell that you are stunned, moved ever so slightly, by the impact of these fantastic lyrics. How could you feel any other way? The girls start the song with laughter, followed by a stiff "Yo". Both methods are blueprints to be followed for making serious music. The girls then transition into an explanation of what they really, really want. Apparently, they really, really want a zigazig-ah. While the word "zigazig-ah" may be utter gibberish, I can explain it's meaning in the context of "Wannabe". However, I won't bore you with the small details. Afterwards, they mention that: "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends".
Are you fucking kidding me? This is preposterous. Are you suggesting that I sleep with all your friends? What kind of women are you? That's it, I've fucking had it. I can't pretend to like this song any fucking more. No more lies. Besides, "zigazig-ah" is a fucking filler, The Spice Girls couldn't generate a fucking real word. They are much too beautiful to have minds of their own, or at least that's what the industry suggests. The industry produced The Spice Girls to sell with looks, and sell they did; they fucking sold out. They followed in the footsteps of many innocent souls looking for success; does that make them victims? No! It makes them ignorant.
And "Wannabe" is ignorant too; the song is a fucking letdown. How many times you gonna suggest telling me what you really really want, before actually saying what you want? I don't get it, is this some kind of endurance test? Am I supposed to totally ignore the thesis of your song? And why the hell does "G-Loc MC likes it in your face"? Isn't this song structured to attract listeners of all ages? I've had it up to beer with this shit. Hmm, Samuel Adams or Guiness? How 'bout both, shotgunned. Do not pity me, for I am,
Da Musical Menace
Lsitening to The Spice Girls is like lidtening to nails on a chalkboard. Their pathetic British pop excuse for music is horrendous, so of course America's youth is gonna eat it up. Although I will admit, I don't mind watching their videos....as long as the volume is muted.
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