LFO "Summer Girls" Review

Lyte Funky Ones "Summer Girls"


Ponder the vid before you dive into the review :)

Light Funky Ones' track "Summer Girls", released on July 6th, 1999, proved the music industry hadn't forgotten the terrible songs of yore; "Summer Girls" was born in an attempt to trump them all. Such a brave task was only suitable for a Chef (boyardee), an icon (Bobby Brown), a Baseball Champion (juicer), or a completely horrendous song that portrays random thoughts as fucking song lyrics ("Summer Girls").

The first stage of music denial recovery is admittance. However, I refuse to admit that I ever liked this song. I never listened to a radio station that accepted monetary payment to repeat "Summer Girls". I never bought the single, and I don't have it in my CD case, right next to the Backstreet Boys... ok, ok, you got me, I do,... but let me explain... please? First, they are both in the 'UFFP' CD case. The abbreviation expanded is 'Unfit for Fireplace'. Terrible music CD's release harmful fumes of suckage when burned that may affect other artists. Second, we all have favorite songs of the past that we're ashamed of (don't we?). Come on, how many times have you caught yourself singing "The Song that Doesn't End"? Third, those tracks taught me what it means to blow; they provided me with an established list of musical not to-do's. And Finally, without those tracks, my generation wouldn't have anything musical to bitch about.

Get out your croquet sticks, cause it's time to punch some balls. LFO apparently stands for Look the Fuck Out, because Americans didn't see the perpetrators sneak up and spike their punch. Somehow, "Summer Girls" did surprisingly well after its release. LFO offered free crotch kicks to everyone, and we lined up in anticipation. Why? Looking back, I really can't explain it... the lyrics have less appeal than a grocery list, the melody is mute behind the steady flow of lyrics, and the cheese factor of this track could topple the Velveeta corporation. Just take a look (if you dare):

"Summer Girls" Intro and Chorus:

Yeah, I like it when the girls stop by, in the summer, do you remember, do you remember, when we met, that summer?, new kids on the block had a bunch a hits, Chinese food makes me sick, and I think it's fly when the girls stop by for the summer, for the summer, I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch, I take her if I had one wish, she's been gone since that summer, since that summer

Well, apparently musical expression involves the denunciation of Chinese food. Why is that line in the song? Have the artists ever heard of school? Guys, that line doesn't match your thesis statement. You were talking about the past, why in the hell should we be notified of your current fear of Chinese cuisine? And why do you guys prefer summer girls as opposed to spring, fall, and ultra spicy autumn girls? This is baffling, someone call Ben Stein, cause we need a professional opinion.

Verse One:

Hip hop mama named spic and span, met you one summer and it all began, you're the best girl that I ever did see, the great Larry Bird jersey 33, when you take a sip you buzz like a hornet, Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch a sonnets, call me willy whistle cause I can't speak baby, something in your eyes really drove me crazy, now I can't forget you and it makes me mad, left one day and never came back, stayed all summer then went back home, McCulley Culkin wasn't home alone, fell deep in love but now we ain't speakin, Micheal J. Fox was Alex P. Keaton, when I met you I said my name was Rich, you look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch

Okay, so let me get this straight. You fell in love with a girl named after a cleaning product? Is her sister, Scrubbing Bubbles, available? I always thought she was hot. You compared your girl to a sweaty basketball jersey, how romantic. You stated obvious facts about Shakespeare, completely oblivious to the fact that he didn't write anything on the summer in question. Apparently, both you and your girl have speech impediments; you can't talk and she resembles a humming bird. Seriously, is this some kind of ancient code language? Perhaps the secret to the location of the Holy Grail lies hidden behind these lyrics. If so ladies and gentlemen, the location is safe; no one will ever decipher this inaudible expulsion of forwardly propelled excrement.

Verse Two:

Cherry pants cold crotch rock stud boogie, used to hate school so I had to play hookie, always been hip to the big boy style, known to act wild and make a girl smile, love new edition and the candy girl, remind me a you because you rock my world, you come from Georgia where the peaches grow, they drink lemonade and speak real slow, you love hip hop and rock and roll, your dad took off when you were four years old, there was a good man named Paul Revere, I feel much better baby when you're near, you love fun dip and cherry coke, I like the way you laugh when I tell a joke

Let me begin by asking you where to begin. So, where do I begin? Did LFO just call Paul Revere 'baby'? Why in the hell do you guys belittle Georgians? What in the hell is a "Cherry pants cold crotch rock stud boogie"? It takes absolutely no skill to come up with nonsense; look, I can do it too: 'Billy Banks Bob Sled Big Bad Wookie, Used to Cut Fowl now I Cut Whole Turkeys'. See LFO, it's easy! My head is about to explode, seriously, I feel pressure. Quick, fetch me a bottle of HeadOn.

Sure, this song was a flash in the pan that enjoyed moderate success. We ate it up before realizing that it was actually Pizza Hut, not gourmet. Eventually, the dish was dissed and left permeating in a dumpster. Time moved on and LFO got buried. To their credit, the song does represent a touch of that care free summer feeling; I don't despise it as much as some songs I've reviewed. However, "Summer Girls" has the most off the wall ass randomness of them all. The focus shifts from random accomplishments in history, to admiring one girl and many, and back to apparent mental blurbs that happen to match the melody. It's a good idea gone horribly wrong; a song that, with a little refinement, could have been a staple summer vibe. Instead, all "Summer Girls" produces is a memory of a quirky track that had us fooled for a week. Do not pity me, for I am... pitying the idiots behind the production of this track.

See you next week,



Da Menace